Waiter, There's a Fly on my Date (ClaudexReader)

"I beg your pardon, Madame.." The man says with a small nod. "By any chance, are you participating in a blind date this afternoon?" Your eyes widen at his question. Surely this gorgeous piece of man wasn't your blind date!

You put your hands on your hips.  "As a matter of fact I am...and I've been waiting here for-"

"Please, allow me to apologize for my tardiness..." He interrupts, giving you a small bow. "My master insisted that I take him for a stroll through the garden before I took my leave." He chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head. "He can be rather difficult sometimes..."

Before you can respond, the man takes your arm and leads you to another table, one with a better view of the cafe's garden. "Yes, this spot will do just fine.." He pulls out a chair for you before taking a seat himself.

"Thank you...umm-"

"Claude, Claude Faustus." He says, extending his hand towards you. "And what might your name be, my lady?"

"____ _____." You respond, slightly embarrassed. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Claude."

"I assure you, Miss ____, the pleasure is all mine."

Before you can respond, a waiter is beside your table. "Good evening! Good evening!" He sings, spinning around. "My name is Jeremy and I will be your humble servant this evening! What can I get for you folks?" You open your mouth to place your order, but Claude raises his hand. "Allow me, my lady." He turns his attention to your server. "To start, we will take the mushroom risotto. And for our entrees, beef wellington with-"

While your date is placing the order, a fly comes out of nowhere and flies in your face. You curse under your breath, swatting at it with your handbag....and accidently knocking over your glass of water. You gasp and immediately stand up from your chair. Your beautiful dress is soaked.

"Oh good heavens!" Your waiter exclaims, immediately wiping the table off with a cloth napkin. "Are you alright, miss?"

"Yes..of course." You insist, rolling your eyes. "It was just a stupid fly..."

"Right...." He mumbles, turning his attention back to Claude. "Well then...I shall be back with your lunch shortly! Until then...please enjoy your complimentary tea!" The waiter takes his leave and the two of you are left alone. Claude is sitting quietly across the table, staring curiously at you with those beautiful golden orbs. You feel your cheeks grow hot. 'Why the hell is he staring at me like that? Do I have something in my teeth?'

"That was quite the bit of excitement over such an insignificant creature.." He muses, a small grin creeping across his face.

You frown at your date. "Yes...well, I don't like flies." You pick up your napkin and begin frantically wiping the water from your dress. "I find them rather disgusting.."

"Here...let me help you with that." He says, standing up and taking the napkin from your hand. "You should dab it...like this...if you want it to dry more effectively." Your cheeks flush pink as Claude rests one hand on your shoulder, while lightly dabbing your dress clean with the other. "There now...that should do it."

"Thanks..." You murmur, tucking a strand of (h/c) hair behind your ear. Then, you decide to try and make small talk. "So..., how did you come to be on this blind date? I mean, you seem like the kind of man who really doesn't need to go about this sort of thing."

"Oh? Is that so?" He asks, slightly amused.

"Well, you're so handsome and...I just figured a chap like you would have no trouble finding a woman." You stammer, the pink on your cheeks darkening. "Wait! That's not what I meant-!" Claude chuckles as he makes his way back to his seat. "My master put me up to it. He told me that I needed to meet a nice young lady with really big..-well, I'll spare you his exact specifications."

"And this master of yours...do you do everything he says?" You ask, tilting your head. "I mean...it seems kind of personal to butt into someone's love life.."

"My master can be quite relentless.." He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. "But I'd rather not talk about work now, if that is alright with you."

"Of course..." You say, taking a sip of the cafe's rather weak tea. "Forgive me, I shouldn't have-" Your sentence falters when you spot the fly from earlier crawling on top of Claude's head. You quickly reach your hand out and gently swat at the nasty pest. But it doesn't budge. Your date eyes you curiously and you rub the back of your head nervously. "Oh...sorry about that. You had a-"

"What were you about to say?" Claude asks, ignoring your explanation.

"Oh hehe..I was just going to say that I shouldn't have-" You stop once again when you see the fly slowly crawling down Claude's face now. That stupid fly was driving you crazy! Did Claude not know it was there!? And if he DID know, why wouldn't he just brush it off!?

"Are you alright, ___? Forgive me for saying so, but you're acting rather odd.."

"Certainly I'm alright!" You insist, waving your hands in front of you. "It's just that you-" In the middle of your sentence, Claude's tongue briefly exits his mouth and scoops up the fly, taking it into his mouth and....eating it. ".....have a fly on your cheek."

You stare at your date, stunned. "Did you just....eat that fly!?"

".....What fly?" 

You raise an eyebrow. "The one that was crawling on your face...."

"On my face?  I don't believe there was a fly on my face..." Claude insists, stroking his cheek with an index finger.

"Are you kidding me?  I just saw you eat that fly!"

"I did not..."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"You most certainly did! You scooped it up with your giant tongue and just....just ATE the poor little devil!"

"Did not..." Claude stubbornly insisted, folding his hands in front of him. "I think you've gone daft, woman."

"WHAT!?"  You cry, standing from your chair. "I've gone daft!?"

"Certainly." He says, shaking his head at you. "Why in the world would I eat a fly? What a preposterous accusation!"

You put a hand under you chin, contemplating this bizarre situation. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps you were being rather absurd. There was no way such a handsome, well mannered gentleman like Claude would eat a fly. Your eyes must've playing tricks on you. You sighed and sat back down, rubbing the back of your head nervously. "Hey...I'm sorry. I guess I must be over tired or something."

Claude shakes his head, laughing it off. "There is nothing to apologize for, my lady. After all, I'm sure you just-HICCUP!" He quickly throws a hand over his mouth. "A thousand pardons, Miss ___. I haven't the slightest idea where that came from." He removes his hand and your eyes widen when you see the poor, dead fly sprawled on his bottom lip.

"Umm Claude....you've got something...on your-"

Claude picks up his napkin and proceeds to wipe the dead fly from his mouth. You take an awkward sip of your tea. ".......You know, you really should have waited on lunch. You might have spoiled your appetite." Your date stares at you in disbelief and you feel your face grow hot once again.

"Perhaps, but I find a small appetizer before meals helps to keep one's metabolism rate up.." He counters, taking a sip of his tea as well. Your mouth opens to respond, but you've got nothing. Had HE just told a lame joke as well? Claude sets his teacup back down onto his saucer. "Well now...here comes Jeremy with our risotto. Are you ready to eat, my dear?"

You put your hand under your chin, thinking.  WERE you ready to eat after what you had just seen?  The dude had just eaten a fly for Pete's sake!  Were the two of you going to pretend that it never happened?  You take a deep breath and shrug.  "Ahh, what the hell..."  Claude raises a brow at your language, but seems glad that you've decided to stay. 

"But..." You say, chuckling nervously.  "Could you maybe keep your tongue inside of your mouth for the rest of the evening..?  It seems to have a mind of it's own.."

Claude sighs, pushing his glasses up with two gloved fingers. "I suppose so..." You heave a sigh of relief, until you see him grinning mischievously at you from across the table. He leans in ever so closely to you and whispers, "Of course, I cannot promise that I will keep my tongue to myself on our NEXT date..."